I needed a place to go for the High Holidays back in 2001. After moving to the ‘burbs’ the previous year, I thought about finding a schul. Since I live in West Orange, I passed a number of synagogues as I drove around the area. I called a few congregations and was rebuffed by the responses I received. I was told that High Holy Days services were open only to members and you needed tickets to attend! I asked a neighbor for advice and she recommended Bnai Keshet for my family. Knowing that my husband was not Jewish, she wanted me to go to a place where intermarried families are welcomed.

So I called the synagogue office and heard, “Shalom, Bnai Keshet” for the first time. I explained my situation and was told that we were welcome to come to services there. No preconditions, no tickets, just come. On the morning of Rosh Hashanah, my family drove up to the beautiful Bnai Keshet building. At the time my two sons were three years and seven months old, so we headed for the children’s service in the tent on the lawn. At the entrance, the President and another leader of Bnai Keshet welcomed us warmly. The next day I went to the adult service with the baby in tow and again felt at home. It was such a tumultuous time and I really needed a place where I could feel comfortable. I knew very little of Reconstructionism, but liked the familiarity of the service and the warmth of the company.

During that year we joined the synagogue. Particularly because we live in West Orange and have no family in the area, I wanted to belong to the community. I attended a new, member breakfast and realized that the way to get to know more people was to find a committee that interested me. I knew I needed to get involved. I joined the Tikkun Olam Committee and co-chaired it the following year.

I wanted an adult Jewish learning experience in order to provide a solid foundation for myself, as well as for my husband and sons. I enrolled in Introduction to Judaism; Lauren Meyer was the teacher and I bonded with my classmates who all had children in kitah bet. I then learned to read Hebrew through adult education classes and I can now follow in services fairly well. Perhaps when my term as co-president concludes, I will learn to chant Torah!

Over the years, as our congregation has grown. In order to continue to open our High Holy Days services to the community, we have rented space in a larger building, creating sacred space at Central Presbyterian Church on Park Street in Montclair. Our policy of welcoming all who want to attend services is deeply meaningful to me. Growing up in a large Jewish community on Long Island, I saw that some Jews would slip into schul for Yizkor (the memorial service) or to hear the Shofar at the end of services while others looked the other way. I was perplexed by this, not realizing that these people didn’t have tickets and may not have been able to pay for them.

At the time I was not familiar with the Jewish value derech eretz (translated as “character”). But I believe that our welcoming, inclusive attitude at Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur demonstrates derech eretz, acting with consideration, compassion, and kindness to one’s fellow human beings.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy New Year,
Jill

Read the July 2008 Article